perhaps those words were always easy to say, because i didn’t really mean them 100 percent. I thought i suprised myself, i finally could talk about the way i felt but i guess i cheated it and woke myself up to the conclusion of..
It just wasn’t meant to be.
i’d say, meeting new people would be like a breath of fresh air, your hair blowing in the wind and even sections off a part of your life to make it new. But what the problem is, meeting someone new makes you feel new as well and gives you a whole different feeling, so when they leave they’re just another person who hurt you but just in a different way.
I haven’t been here for a while, i don’t think anyone has. Well i still manage to not know who i am, or what my purpose is. But atleast i’m not about to exit life everyday, like it used to be.
A feeling like this is un-describable; it silences me on a daily basis. Sometimes I just have to put my head down, and try to clear it all up. So I can then continue to look un-noticed or make it obvious there’s something on my mind. But I don’t always get my way, people question me and sometimes I can’t even reply because this feeling is just playing over in my head, fast forwarding and re winding itself. It’s one big chapter of my life, one I can’t let go of. I’ve never felt like this in my life, I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and I know I’ve said that to you so many times and you’d wonder why this would be any different, but I’ve worked out why this is so different this time and it’s because I’ve never even felt this way about you. I would give anything to show you how much this means to me, I would give even more to make you feel what I feel. I’ve thought of how I can do so, but it seems to be as simple as doing the same thing you did to me to make me feel this way. But all you’ve done is be your god damn amazing self and I’m not sure if I can do that. My feelings are tangled around yours, and rather than tangling them myself… Have you ever tried to mess something up, but it always seems to do a better job tangling itself, in its own time? Which is an example to why I’m not doing it myself, and just let time twist your feelings with mine, that’s if they and you decide to do so. When I thought I knew you, better than you knew yourself or experiencing that feeling I got, when you knew me better than I knew myself, I wasn’t sure whether I should cry or just simply smile. Because the day I realized someone had a hold of my emotions, I guess I was at stage one of being in love, I can admit to that. I love you not just because of who you are, but for what I am when I’m with you. You don’t understand that the best thing about me was you and it still fucking is. You need to stop blaming my mistakes on yourself. Yes I got into trouble because of you but to this day you still manage to be the greater part of my life. It’s just sad I had to keep the realist thing in my life a secret. But I’ve learnt a lot, tried so hard and accomplished everything I needed to. I know I’m ready and I don’t mind if you need more time. But what I want you to realize the most was when I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you. I know everything is so confusing now, my emotions, feelings, actions and life would confuse the shit out of you too, but they’re all real and the truth does hurt, that’s why they seem to be all over the place. But once we put it all in place it becomes a lot clearer. We’ll decide what’s needed, wanted and what needs to be let go. What should never be forgotten, left aside or lost. I just can’t wait to live out my favorite quote “When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.” Because at the moment, I just want to fall asleep because that’s the only place I get to see you.
You look like Cam Gigandet, i’m happy to marry you.
Perhaps you don’t feel them anymore, and you can’t force the act of nature.
How do i know you’re the best, when you don’t even fight for me. I guess i just keep answering my own questions. Count me out on this one sweet heart.
To just say three words i used to feel, made you feel and still feel?
Ifd anyones ever completed minesweeper. I don’t understand, is there a trick to it or is it just a matter of chance?
Would we all be happy? Would we forgive the reasonable, forget the unnecessary? Would we be deep thinkers, be scared of what’s around the corner, ignore the signs you don’t want to see but then have them in your face, all at once? Would we be harmless, but want to kill more than anything? But rather than hurt others, would we hurt ourselves just like i do? Let people affect us, just like i do? Would we switch moods throughout the day, be in-consistant, go from good luck to bad luck to no luck? Would we be eating our insides, then our outsides start to rott? Would we find ourselves sitting in silence, not even know what the hell we are thinking about?
I wonder what life would be like, if everyone was like me?
